What's Eating You?

ive complained a few time to you about my insomnia. i mentioned recently about a rash. on thursday i scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician. i wake up that morning feeling intense burning sensations in my skin. i decide to take a cold shower and i break out into more welts, hives, and even blisters. i freaked out and headed to my doctor right away. as soon as she see me, she turns me away to the ER. so im freaking out, and i go to the ER. fortunately i get taken care of and discharged the same day. doctors orders? no activities that will cause me to sweat and stress out. the water dehydrates my skin and the stress causes me to get into break outs. i get prescribed meds and im released from the hospital. fortunately my skin is healing over and ive been sleeping a little bit better. having the meds helps too.
ive been on a roller coaster ride of emotions and thoughts and just crap lately. i have a tendency to bottole my emotions and to keep my mouth shut... to deal with my problems by ignoring them and keeping myself busy. in most scenarios itd be the best way for me to cope. but it took my body over and dealt me a terrible blow. words cannot express how ive been feeling and how it felt to be alone at the hospital thinking about my stresses... and then having to feel the pain caused by my stress. it was a different kind of hell and fear. 

im doing as doctors say. taking my meds. slathering lotions and oils. not doing a damned thing except xbox and read. i feel frustrated and useless.... but now im beginning to enjoy this time to be dull.



it means more reason to eat. to enoy the simple things of life. not to worry about figure, appearance, strength... things i deem necessary to being beautiful and awesome. to just do me and to do me as a wholesome, complete women. yes i like food. yes i get fat. yes i like video games. yes i am lazy! these doctors orders... theyre something else. :)
but i know i'm gladly waiting for the opportunity to get back into the game and just going hard! but for now... ill allow myself to fill up on the boring, fat life.

Eating Up Life,
RAE!