THE OSCARS OF GIVING

These people have taken a lot of time and effort into giving themselves up for love. Like any artist, there is a lot of sacrifice coming from each of these heroes. But I'm definitely proud that the Hero of the Year is a Filipino.
2009 has a been a big year for the Philippines, and I think it's starting to receive the kind of attention it truly deserves.
I admit I have my doubts and reservations about my own kind. The things I hear from my mother, a first generation Filipino, has educated me on many stories of theft, robbery, and lies--some stories that originate within my own family lineage. It's heart breaking to know, and embarrassing to be in any correlation to, but it is the truth of the homeland: corruption is everywhere, especially in the human heart. And it is good to know that there are some people who are trying to manipulate goodness despite the greed, negativity, and crime--someone still has inspiration.

Mr. Penaflorida,
you are a pioneering artist. the kind that needs to be spoken of in textbooks, and taught in classrooms. I am certain that your heroism is an art that provokes emotions from any audience.
and though I have never personally met you, your over generosity is very addictive behavior. Thank you for being a role model across all color lines, and thank you for not being fearful of giving yourself to good deeds.

Thankful,
RAE

Fallen

Toby Burrows has a lot of talent. And his exhibition of Fallen really captured me. I almost feel like he tapped into my craziest nightmares with this one:
not much more I could say. But it's beautiful and horrific in so many different ways.


-RAE

The Break Up - Date

I can't really define what exactly is going on right now.
We fight, we love, we learn...

At this point Aldrin is a very significant part of my life. I can't shake him lose. I want him, bad. And although we are definitely separated, we find ourselves coming back to each other.
Rationally (if love ever is rational), it would be best that we are apart. We are sick of the drama--mini bickering and what not over little shit. I want him to step up and go, he wants me to chill and flow. We're on different poles and we're also finding it very hard to meet in the middle--emotionally & physically.

I love it and hate it altogether.
It's crazy.


Anyway, this song is totally demented and weird. But I love it. It's kinda catchy and just strange in other ways that would usually deter me from even enjoying such a sound. But I guess it does help simplify my situation into a better understanding (visually & audibly), cause I don't think my blogging is doing any justice of what I feel.

LADY GAGA - BAD ROMANCE:





J'veux ton amour,
RAE

Ugh...

I can't sleep.

I'm buggin.

And it helps to talk to someone. BUT i've got no one!!! ugh...


fml,
RAE

Still Shocked

I come back from vegas, and now I'm single.
A definite WTF moment...

Vegas was almost uneventful. I mean seriously, I didn't watch the Pacquiao fight, I didn't really get to enjoy myself at the club, I didn't get to hang out with dre (my GOOD LONG TIME FRIEND) for more than 3 minutes, I didn't place AT ALL during the competition...
ALL EVENTS PLANNED DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN!

And the one event that was pretty dramatic: the break up.

God, help me get through this phase. How do I find the right answers? I wish he'd find the energy to care for me. I wish things were different. But this is reality... it doesn't change--even on vacations--apparently.

I want to be in control, and I find myself falling out. I'm a mess right now. I refuse to believe he does not think of me. And if I'm right, I hope he shows me--I hope he comes through...

Something tells me this is it. Fuck.

returning for the night,
RAE.

The Break Up - Day 1

I have gone over and over what had happened.
I’m still in shock that it has come to this.
How do we reverse the chemistry?
Is this how it’s supposed to be?

I cried, got angry, frustrated, everything… I felt every emotion that whole drive back. It was the worse drive ever. I usually feel good after a drive, not this one. It gave me more time to think about what was going on, more time to dwell and feel hurt. I just want the pain to go away… but unfortunately, it had to come one way or another.
Should I endure what is already hurting?
Or try and break the cycle, by ending it all?
Will any of this pain go away?
I had a totally different game plan for this weekend. Nothing like this… it must’ve happened for a reason. I will admit that I’m curious what would’ve been if I spoke up. If I really said what was on my mind. I had a lot of fear—I hope you understand—I felt completely at fault and stifled. It’s difficult to assume, but I almost felt like I had to.

I just hope that one day, you realize what I meant.
That you can honestly say that you’re ready, and hopefully you think about me




the newest single lady,
RAE

What's A Life Without Pressure.

I'd Like to see it.
Who wants to join me?

RAE.

Great For Stoner Pics

I've never been stoned. I guess I want to see what it's like, without going in that totally illegal route. The holga offers awesome vintage like photos, that have that stoner feel--as some reviews have said.

Modcloth.com sells juan.
and I want juan...


Hopefully this christmas santa will prove his fuckin worth.

(()) (())
( >'.'< )
( (__) )
("')_("')
look i made a bunny

....
RAE!

Because My Boyfriend Is Crazy

We flirt funny, but I still like it.
In Love,
RAE!

Good Times

A bunch of random stuff that happened this year. And I was able to gather photos. Enjoy these memorable stories via photographs! YAY!

Camera Less

I haven't really been posting. Although things have been happening, I honestly don't feel compelled to write/post anything because I don't have anymore pictures to go with my postings. I guess I'm the type of person who enjoys visual aids. haha... that's lame, and geeky, but so damn true.

Anyway, if you want to know, this is how my camera broke: I went kayaking one day with Aldrin. I got water on it, even though it was packed nicely into two ziplocks--NOT ONE... it was just frustrating taking pictures with the baggie on, and decided to snap a few shots without the baggies. I guess water got into it somehow, or the heat from it being inside the ziplocks caused it to act funky. Basically, it just went to shit after having it for about a year and half. I have the worse luck with cameras, despite having some talent in taking photos.

Fortunately, I do have pictures, and I believe my memory card is still in good condition. Unfortunately, I can't load them up via my laptop. My laptop doesn't have a Pro Duo port. fml....fml..........fml.


Since we're on the topic of events happening, I'm going to vegas soon.
And that should be fun, but crappy at the same time because I don't have a camera!!!

I'm done venting.
RAE!

My New Found Love Interest

KEY:

RED - RAE
BLUE - SPRITE


ENJOY, RAE!

Wild Things

Sadly, I won't be able to see this on the day of its premiere.
AND, rarely do I ever want to really make those types of functions.



But hopefully I get to see it that weekend!

<33, RAE!

Nuts They Go So Ballistic -- Whoa...

Yo, Lebron. Im really happy for you and Ima let you finish, but Kobe is one of the greatest of all time.


<33, RAE!

Lacking Smiles

She says, "I don't think I remember the last time you've smiled."

What she forgets to say is "Why?"

I’ve learned to grow up even more with the mounting pressure of the recession. I think one of my biggest lessons learned, thus far, is that complaining really gets you nowhere. So why do people huff and puff? I feel that expressing what is me is necessary, but what is equally important is doing something to resolve the situation. Continuing to complain doesn’t make the situation any better; the issue will still be an issue with or without the heavy emotions. Action is the key.

I told my mother about trying out for the dance auditions. Keep in mind, I’ve only become a dancer until my mom forced me into it during the 6^th grade. Taking lessons wasn’t my idea at all, and without her excessive pushing and forcing, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with the art. As talented as I am, I honestly have to attribute my mother as a large part of my dancing career. I thought she would have been proud to know I auditioned. I thought…

I call my house, and she’s not home. I leave a message saying she needs to call me, for the sake of catching up with my mom. I end it with a smile and hang up. My mom calls back, and when I begin to tell her the news, it goes something like, “I just wanted to talk to you. I auditioned for Tokyo Disneyland…”

She says, “hmm… okay. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I wanted to let you know how it went.”

“Well. Did you make it?”

“No, but—“

“So you skipped on work and school, for that? And you didn’t even make it? Had I known, I would’ve told you not to do it.”

The tears ached through my sockets. I didn’t want to taste the bitterness. I let her continue, totally in shock of what I was hearing. But also, not sure if I should continue to be in shock—especially since it isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I’m not really sure what to think of my mother. She complains that I don’t reach out to her, but should I feel guilty for not trying to when she treats me as such? If it were any other person there would be no hesitation, a case closed, the relationship would be severed. So I guess I’m conflicted, and my actions are showing through. Unfortunately, some people just don’t get it. Should I really try to educate others, when I totally feel like my place in this world isn’t meant to teach every dumb idiot out there, only to feel like I’m still misunderstood?

Unnecessary drama if you ask me.

I run after my dreams; I shoot for my aspirations; I can only go one way, and that is up because I’ve been encouraged to believe in forces that equally believe in me. And my mother, the God who had created me from scratch was limiting her own skin and blood, furthermore, not giving a care or slightest notion of care, for what her kin might be feeling.

Who smiles after all that?

Vegas Was Cool

Click the picture for the FULL Album.




Thanks to everyone who shared the experience with me.
For Jen who invited me, you're awesome, girl!
And the password? Well, it's for the cool kids only. :)

xoxo,
RAE!

I've Finally Conformed. So ADD Me.

Rae Cuenca

Create Your Badge

Sorry Ms. Come Back

KANYE WEST "PARANOID" feat: RIHANNA Dir: NABIL from kwest on Vimeo.

I was really worried for Rihanna. I thought her career would be totally over since her connection to dick face, Chris Brown. But her role in the video adds value to the song, sympathy for the poor girl, and definitely sex appeal. Doesn't she look like a super Filipino Auntie when she's driving the car? Haha, my bad. Anyway Kanye, good look on putting her in the vid.

<33,
RAE

Santogold Hype

I think I'm with it. :)

Lakers Are The Champs!

I totally wish I could be there. As well as the parade. Maybe this weekend I'll live it up--I am hitting vegas anyway. :) But if you're in the Long Beach area, show your LAKER LOVE at the sport chalet. This 15th Championship is a great accomplishment for us, celebrate! Just be safe Laker Fans!! [[click the pic for more details]]

<33,
RAE

Compromise With Me, Love.

"Above all, don't fear difficult moments. The best comes from them."
Rita Levi-Montalcini.

I'm STILL Terrible

I realize that I have promised to post on a consistent schedule. Unfortunately life has distracted me from doing so. But the semester is almost over. Summer is on its way, thus influencing the grand adventures of more memories to be blogged about. So again, I promise, I'll get back to you. Whoever you are Mr./Mrs. do4love reader.

But in the meantime, here's some eyecandy with some personal captions.

Bring on the heat...
the reason why I call a female's privates "a cookie"
but she's got one two many goods to offer.
looks like the single ladies convention
i wish i could've been there.
for the sole purpose of dancing my ass off like beyonce :)
if only love were that simple, eh?

Thanks for bearing with me,

RAE

Memorial Weekend x A Photographical Perspective

Good and Well, BUT...

I don't want summer to be done without me. I need some good music in my system--some foot action needs to be released. The stress of finals has got my soul swamped. The only optimism I've got is that my heart is the only thing that carries a that GOOD beat.

Who wants to play?
RAE

Man Oh Man

Enjoy some smiles and laughs,
RAE

Honesty Still Lives

"To my great embarrassment," the note said, "I recently opened this book and discovered it is yours -- not mine. My apologies for my tardiness."

Sarah McKee borrowed a book from her once local library on March 16, 1978. It was due back April 5, 1978. But returned it May 5 -- 31 years and one month later. She included that note and a $25 check with the library's book.


Real shit. That's friggin great. With crime on it's rise due to the recession, I'm really glad there's some people who have decency.


Inspired,
RAE

My Bad...

As I was driving back home, from a very long day at work, I began to realize how much I missed blogging. So much has happened on my hiatus, and I have no photographical evidence to prove it. :( I feel lame.... hah!

Seriously though...

This is my life, and I'd like to remember it--all of it. Having pictures and writing about these events definately brings me back to reminisce on those good times; which are specifically great during the bad times.



BUT ANYWAY...

I applied for a higher position at my job. And yeah, I didn't get it. I think it was a mixture of my relaxed demeanor, and the fact that I have a weird school schedule. I was really trying to show that I'm not nervous, but I'm confident. But I think I really was showing how nervous I was with some confidence. I kept laughing inside of my self because I knew I probably looked SO DAMN stupid at that interview. WOW. But now there's another opening for the same position at my job location. I just wish it was closer... =[
Aldrin came over this weekend. and it was AWESOOOOME! We watched star trek, which actually sucked. And I had bowel problems. yeah.. that's probably t.m.i. but I don't give a crap, because it's not like anyone reads my blog... poop on a stick. He let me borrow his xbox360 and I'm forever glued to it. haha COD4 is the business.
I'm going to vegas in june, so on saturday Aldrin helped me find snazy night time clothes, to bring out the grown and sexy rae. haha I like my outfits, im also glad I had aldrin there to help me out.



So that's life as of now, all wrapped into very short paragraphs.

Fin,
RAE

Takes Me Back

I want to go buy the book now. And read it every day before the movie finally comes out! haha well... I might not, but this movie does look awesome. Ands reminds me of some of my own childhood memories. :)

I Need To Get In On This Gene Pool

Ready For Summer

First up, Vegas. Then, road trippin. But ALWAYS Long Beach.

-Ms. Rae

Jerkin'

I'm not sure of its history and birth, but I'm feelin it...
Over & Out,
RAE ROX

Other Dude's Ain't Ever On It

Her cover is awesome. And yes, mi hoe, that's me thinking about you.

Right In The Kisser

This Is Why We Have Babies

Inked Up

The boyfriend and I decided we were really bored on saturday night. So I felt like drawing him a tat. Then he did the same for me. His is on his deltoid/bicep area, mine on my rib cage. There's more to them than what you see, and their locations. But I'm not sure that I'm willing to give the details and story behind each of our tattoos. I feel that it makes it more unique, and special to us. =]

Maybe I will get the tattoo one day...

420

I already feel like I'm high. No meds, no 2nd hand smoke, just a nasty headache from my allergies reacting to the extreme weather changes.

My brain feels like it's got so much pressure compressed inside, that it's actually floating. My right nostril keeps getting clogged and I can't breathe out of it. And when I blow my nose, it pops my ears and no boogers come out.
I've never been high, and I highly doubt that my symptoms have anything close to an actual high. But I feel out of whack. So I guess it makes sense to say that I'm in a different state of high. All I want is to come back down, grounded to life.

I WANT TO BE NORMAL AND HEALTHY DAMNIT.


sick & dying,
RAE

Song of my Moment

Excuse me, I'm in my fantasy...

...my own, personal make-up artist...

Exactly One Year Ago Today

Aldrin asked me out. We're a crazy mix, but we absolutely do well together. Thanks for an awesome 365 days with me. You're pretty swanky for putting up with my crap, and loving me with persistence and genuity.
Mi hoe, you are thee best.





But we celebrated our anniversary this past weekend. I made Aldreezy this photoalbum & CD. The album was to act as a multi-purpose booklet as it served these purposes:

1. Frame some of our best moments captured through photos
2. Highlight stories and memories I vividly remembered while I still had them in my mind
3. List the music to our CD & each song's importance
4. Case the CD as an actual CD is
5. Lastly, be a book that was continuous in itself, without totally being a circle. Our continuum is nothing of the ordinary.

And then, Aldrin took me to this really different bar called, SGT Dueling Piano Cafe. It was crazy, the whitest people were jammin out on pianos, playing the best songs ever. Everyone was super drunk, really into singing along, and the fun just never seemed to end. Although it was a lot of fun, it was pretty rowdy. For a date, I figured I would be simply romanced. (I still haven't gotten my birthday wish...TO BE ROMANTIC ON A DATE & BE ASKED OUT!!! BUT I guess those dreams will have to wait.) As for pictures, well I took plenty, but I can't seem to find them on my computer. And for video, they came out pretty crappy when uploaded to youtube. So whatever; those will have to be updated later. On Sunday and Monday, we spent a lot of time being lazy and cute. Flirting yet fighting over the xbox controller and TV controller. But we stopped with the laziness and just drove on PCH, wandering through Palos Verdes. Cruisin is ALWAYS fun...

Happiness

So when do we start on this happy trail?
:]

Now Put Ya Hands Up To The Sky

"REACH FOR THE STARS...SO IF YOU FALL, AT LEAST YOU FALL ON A CLOUD..." Kanye West
I think this picture is a little bit of both: the stars in this huge, puff of red cloud. Fuck a cloud with silver lining, let's go hard and suwoo some niggas with the red. Righhhht? haha ew, that was my wanna be gangster moment for the day.
And probably the gangster moment of my life which will never reoccur ever, unless I'm trying to set myself up for shame.

But on the really doe, what we see now is how the star scene actually looked 17,000 years ago, and that light show is just now arriving here.

And then we have another great photo at hand. har har har. This is by Wilhelm Staehle


high five suckas,
RAE